| Author | Message | ||
     Vladimir Ivanovich Kirillov Grand Master Username: soviet Post Number: 1052 Registered: 2-2013 |
Yes indeedy Jetsetters, I am now a primary producer. I have as my stock, not cows and bulls like most of my neighbours but the decendants of dinosaurs. Furthermore, I have Rodger the Rapist Rooster who is a downright mean and mischeivious bastard of the first order. So mentally twisted is Rodger that everyday he starts off with a Crow followed thereafter by a vicious Rape. This bird is so deranged that PussNasty has told him to watch his PS and Qs. And as you all know PussNasty is all about maiming and killing first and not asking questions later. Rodger was facing the chopping block followed by boiling water removal of feathers plus amputation of both feet and then a one way excursion to the stewing pot before I offered him sanctuary. Rodger's previous home had been in Collinsville where I shop fortnightly for groceries 124 kilometres from my country lair. His owner was an elderly old man and his wife. Sadly, the old man had a neighbour who was only there for a few days once a month and upon hearing Rodger crow called the local council who visited the old man and demanded Rodger's immediate extinction or removal. Yes so I got Rodger for free. I then approached my nearest neighbour Mad Donna who with her husband runs a Road Train truck hauling the local cattle and total her that if Rodger's Evil Crowing disturbed her or her husband I would seal Rodger up in an old refrigerator at night. Mad Donna's reply was something like this:" Vlad, Why the f**k would I f**king care about the f**king crowing of a f**king Rooster. But Rodger apart from the fact that if I go near his four hens attacks me like a ninja even if I kick the mongrel away, is not the problem. The crows are the problem and believe it or not the politicians at some time moved straight from the whisky onto 60s LSD and protected the crow with a $200,000 plus fine for killing them. Never, in 62 years of life have I found any farmer that has a nice word to say about the crow. These cunning and sneaky winged black swine will swoop down in flocks of 30 plus and eat the expensive chicken feed, scrapes donated by the pub, any laid eggs and empty the large water bowl. A local cattle owner told me to get a gun and blast them. Then when I was having a sook Liz the Publican she demanded that I poison them. I told Liz the Crow is protected by law. "Not out here ! Kill the lot of them, the C**ts I want to buy the eggs" And she then suggested a very good price per dozen. Then I thought Omar has the answer. Falconry is quite a practiced art in the MiddleEast. What if I could train the local falcons (kites) to croak the crows and bring them to me to put in the mincer to mix with PussNasty's expensive Whiskas tinned meat cat food! So Omar I need you to stake out the local falconry club and find out if falcons can be trained to croak crows! | ||
| Glen Poolen Experienced User Username: wgipps Post Number: 50 Registered: 3-2018 |
i was told once that if you bait minced meat with lots of crushed angina tablets and place it on the roof near your chooks shed (where the chooks cant get it) they should die of heart attacks not long after eating it as the angina tablets lower the birds blood pressure so when they try and fly away they croak. So i was once told..... | ||
| Vladimir Ivanovich Kirillov Grand Master Username: soviet Post Number: 1053 Registered: 2-2013 |
Excellent Sir Glen arise for I award you three Soviet Stars (outback issue) for assassin info.... Er So angina tablets without prescription...perhaps the Phillippines? | ||
| Vladimir Ivanovich Kirillov Grand Master Username: soviet Post Number: 1054 Registered: 2-2013 |
Crikey Glen I think you may have the answer. Because if I can give these black little flapping bastards the croak and watch where they land, then I can still grind them up for PussNasty and or use the buggers for bait to catch local Red Claw Freshwater Lobster which you probably know is bloody good tucker. Yes Doc I have had Angina for years and for years before that I had Vagina and lots of it, but now that Vagina is pretty scarce out in the bush the Angina has come back with a vengeance. Luckily for me I have a Burmese doctor who I can hardly understand but I am certain I can make him an offer he can't refuse. David was right, we are a dangerous lot! | ||
| Glen Poolen Frequent User Username: wgipps Post Number: 51 Registered: 3-2018 |
i used to just shoot them with a 22 on my country place many years ago. but 22's nowadays are rarer than stoned crows. the above info was told to me by an old wife - so i get to put that caveat on it. send pics if successful. may even work on foxes. | ||
| richard george yeaman Grand Master Username: richyrich Post Number: 993 Registered: 4-2012 |
Yes and what about a bit of Viagra for the rooster. Richard. | ||
| David Gore Moderator Username: david_gore Post Number: 2988 Registered: 4-2003 |
Vladimir, When I was a teenager attending high school at Griffith in the Murrumbidgee Irrigation Area in the early 1960's, the farmers used Acetylene gas guns to scare away birds and feral animals especially cats [Puss Nasty Alert]. These used a Calcium Carbide/Water generator to make the acetylene. They have since been replaced with LPG gas guns: https://www.clarkfarmequipment.com.au/category/38/Zon-Bird-Scare-Guns If you can keep your neighbours on side regarding the noise nuisance, bye-bye crows........... The following link is a mix of good, bad and indifferent advice. I think a good stock of marbles and an old-fashioned shanghai [catapult] might be the go if your neighbours are not of a similar mind: https://forums.whirlpool.net.au/archive/1369112 https://outdoorswarehouse.com.au/Slingshots  | ||
| Patrick Lockyer. Grand Master Username: pat_lockyer Post Number: 1939 Registered: 9-2004 |
I use the .22 rifle and pick the crows off one by one. Just one left with one magpie that I just cannot seem to shoot. Pix taken in May with the bird used as a decoy!  | ||
| Mark Luft Prolific User Username: bentleyman1993 Post Number: 202 Registered: 10-2016 |
D*MN YOU VLAD! I just got busted by my boss. I was reading your angina post and burst out laughing. He walked over and said "What's this?" BUSTED. Keep writing, it's priceless. BTW, we used to break Alka Seltzer in half and toss them to the seagulls that hung around the local dump. They would swallow them and die. Seems birds can't burp. | ||
| Patrick Lockyer. Grand Master Username: pat_lockyer Post Number: 1941 Registered: 9-2004 |
If in the winter you need a game bird or two for the Sunday lunch without the shot pellets to crack one's teeth. Get some raisins the night before you need them and soak the in some rum, in the morning scatter around the copse and wait till the effect of the raisins take place with drunken birds for the taking. | ||
| Omar M. Shams Grand Master Username: omar Post Number: 1621 Registered: 4-2009 |
Vlad my dear. this post is priceless. We had a crow problem at work last year. The buggers swooped down and pecked one of our employees' head. We had to take action. We hired someone with a gun and he shot the lot of them. I was told that they were flying rats and had to be treated exactly as you would if you had rats at home. |
