| Author | Message | ||
     Omar M. Shams Grand Master Username: omar Post Number: 1085 Registered: 4-2009 |
I am keen to know what this item is. The link to it is here http://raggedsign.blogs.com/caveatdumptruck/science/ I have copied the content below. Does anyone know what this device is? Thanks Omar The "mystery gadget" described by a "friend of a friend" of his, Doug Clyde. So I offered to post Doug's original email on my blog, which might give some additional web-visibility to the object and help identify it - I have a fairly eclectic collection of blogreaders, so I thought it might be useful. Below is Doug's original email. My uncle also forwarded the same email to some other acquaintances. I try to send my brother a unique Christmas gift each year something useless but too nice to throw away. This year I think I have outdone myself. Its so unique I cant figure out what it is. An internet search was no help. Im hopeful that one of you can enlighten me. It is very well made the base is cast brass with a black wrinkle finish that is common on old lab instruments like microscopes. The brass balls are fixed to their rods, but the rods are free to go up and down. The height of the lower bar can be adjusted by loosening the brass knob in the center of the bar. picture The knurled fitting on the top of the balls can be unscrewed. Under this fitting (inside the ball) are small lead beads which I assume are used to trim the weight of the brass ball. picture Lead beads w/ball point pen shown for comparison. Those beads would not weigh much. picture Note the bottom of each rod is machined to different diameters. picture The pin on the bottom of the big ball measures 0.0500 of an inch, The pin on the small ball measures 0.1000 of an inch. The diameter of the big ball is 1.8250, the small ball 1.1250 Im thinking it might be one part of a display or lab instrument. I dont have a clue. Thanks for looking and let me know if you figure it out. | ||
| Vladimir Ivanovich Kirillov Grand Master Username: soviet Post Number: 728 Registered: 2-2013 |
Its a device for quantifying the mass of the female orangatangs brain to the male orangatangs brain. Put more theoretically given the sequence of obiter dictum to ratio decidendi, and taking into account the new features which cluniac monastersism introduced into the Benedictene tradition the large ball represents the precise amount of bananas the male will have to peel and give to the female in order to get knee tremblers with adequate thrustings on the top branch. Yes it should not be confused with anything else. And naturally only a ratbag of your status Omar would post such a hideous item in idle chatter. | ||
| Omar M. Shams Grand Master Username: omar Post Number: 1087 Registered: 4-2009 |
Dear Vlad, No its not. I know because I already have an orangutan male to female brain massometer. Also it is not a vaginamometer either. This most intriguing contraption has baffled me and has thus made me turn to the one place I know where answers always flow beautifully. It is not a quiz - I truly want to know what the hell this thing is. And for that matter why there are at least two of them on the planet. I was shown a similar item in hard copy format and from that I was able to find the one on this link. Who on earth would make something like this - and for that matter - why? | ||
| Geoff Wootton Grand Master Username: dounraey Post Number: 1607 Registered: 5-2012 |
Looks to me like a laboratory apparatus for determining the gravitational constant re: Henry Cavendish. Then again it could be an orangutan male to female massometer or even a vaginamometer. | ||
| Robert Noel Reddington Grand Master Username: bob_uk Post Number: 1304 Registered: 5-2015 |
It's called a thingymajig. It's used as a comparitor to ascertain whether balls are too big or too small. | ||
| Omar M. Shams Grand Master Username: omar Post Number: 1089 Registered: 4-2009 |
so not a vaginamometer but a ballometer Bob? | ||
| Omar M. Shams Grand Master Username: omar Post Number: 1090 Registered: 4-2009 |
Dear Geoff, You may be onto something with the old Henry Cavendish experiment. I will keep digging in this area - thanks mate. Omar | ||
| David Gore Moderator Username: david_gore Post Number: 2433 Registered: 4-2003 |
Love the "left-field" suggestions, my favourite being the "vaginamometer" for testing virgins versus experienced women for "medical purposes". Getting serious, the design suggests it is some form of flotation device possibly for testing the specific gravity [density] of liquids. The use of weights inside the balls [floats] means the floats can be adjusted to suit fluids with different specific gravities. If a fluid is being made up, the two floats could be set to the maximum and minimum points of the desired range. The point at the bottom of the rod could be observed with a magnifier as the solution is being made up with the float having the lower weight indicating the desired minimum value and the float with the higher weight indicating the maximum desired value. The purpose of the point would be to minimise delay from surface tension adhesion preventing the float beginning to rise when the desired values are reached. The variation in ball volume may have been to avoid the observer mistaking which value was being determined by each side of the device - small sphere would indicate the minimum value as it would hold less weights and the large sphere would indicate the maximum value as it would hold more weight and also be more sensitive in indicating when the maximum desired value was reached. Then again, I may be completely and absolutely wrong. Will also have a look at the "Cavendish Experiment" which I cannot remember. | ||
| David Gore Moderator Username: david_gore Post Number: 2436 Registered: 4-2003 |
OK - the Cavendish Experiment involved the use of a torsion balance, two identical spheres and two smaller spheres. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cavendish_experiment The device in Omar's link would have too much friction to allow the accurate measurements required in the Cavendish Experiment IMHO. A very interesting point of view on the Cavendish Experiment containing illustrations of devices used for the experiment are on the following link. Very scientific but still makes interesting reading if you ignore the mathematics and concentrate on the discussion. http://milesmathis.com/caven.html | ||
| Patrick Ryan Grand Master Username: patrick_r Post Number: 1094 Registered: 4-2016 |
Gents, My father was an industrial chemist who worked in a factory (my brother and I also worked there as apprentice mechanics) that was involved in the industry of waste from the slaughtering of animals. The waste from local butchers (bones, fat offal etc) were also collected on a daily basis. You guys may remember trucks driving to the back entrances of the butchers with their cane baskets collecting everything from the daily butchering process as swinging meat was also delivered daily to these butchers. The factory would collect all this waste on a daily basis and would be rendered down to make blood & bone, fertiliser or the white gold known as Tallow. This device was used upside down (it is just photographed sitting on its mounting plate) and dropped onto the level of the tallow to measure the fat content. High fat tallow was bad for candles as it caused them to smoke, and smell like burning bacon on the BBQ. The lead balls were added or subtracted to adjust for the fat level required, the other ball was a solid ball that could be replaced (thus the thumb screw) for various size balls based on the ambient temperature and viscosity of the tallow once in storage and kept fluid by steam coils in the vats. High quality tallow can be up to as much as 100 times more expensive than poor quality tallow. Tallow is still used in gelatine, soap perfumes margarine etc. Of course by the time I had seen this instrument, candle making was all but gone using tallow, but still the high quality tallow is much sought after. | ||
| David Gore Moderator Username: david_gore Post Number: 2437 Registered: 4-2003 |
Thanks Patrick, My guesswork wasn't too far off the mark just the industry involved...... The butcher's waste collection trucks still operate as we have Sydney's oldest full-time working butcher in his own shop at Como, the traditional carcase hanging rails in the window and best of all, the old-fashioned wooden block for breaking down the carcasses which he still does every day. The meat leaves supermarket offerings for dead being fresh, from known producers specialising in grass-fed rather than feed lot cattle, free-range pork and lamb and hogget if you pre-order [for those too young to remember hogget, it is 2 tooth lamb which has more flavour and edible meat for a given cut than baby lamb]. Take a bow Ted Carey from Como and a grateful thanks from one of your regular customers who always asks for his meat untrimmed: http://www.smh.com.au/interactive/2014/OldShops/ The day you retire is one I am not looking forward to  . . | ||
| Omar M. Shams Grand Master Username: omar Post Number: 1091 Registered: 4-2009 |
Dear Patrick, I am most grateful for the information. I have a photo of another item like the one detailed in the link above but this one has an extra rod. perhaps for a third brass sphere? i dont know. The rod is empty and there is no sphere on it. Why would there be an extra rod in this case? Thanks Omar | ||
| Vladimir Ivanovich Kirillov Grand Master Username: soviet Post Number: 729 Registered: 2-2013 |
Unbelievable, is somebody passing a huge joynt around in this particular thread or is it the case that Toad has slipped something into my coffee. The vaginameter or what ever caper was far more plausible. | ||
| richard george yeaman Grand Master Username: richyrich Post Number: 701 Registered: 4-2012 |
Vladimir I am with you on this one, the entertainment value is great, nothing beats a good laugh. Richard. | ||
| Patrick Ryan Grand Master Username: patrick_r Post Number: 1096 Registered: 4-2016 |
Vlad, Using the tool for your purposes would have been more interesting that's for sure. Omar, I've never seen another item like this at all. So a third ball, I'm not sure about mate. | ||
| Omar M. Shams Grand Master Username: omar Post Number: 1092 Registered: 4-2009 |
Vlad mate, Get your spelling straight... it was initially thought to be a vaginamometer not a vaginameter. surely there is a difference between the two tools that only you can describe to us.... perhaps Richard can chime in..... | ||
| Omar M. Shams Grand Master Username: omar Post Number: 1093 Registered: 4-2009 |
third ball anyone????? | ||
| Patrick Ryan Grand Master Username: patrick_r Post Number: 1099 Registered: 4-2016 |
My explanation is boring. I'm waiting for Vlad's and the description and method of use  | ||
| Omar M. Shams Grand Master Username: omar Post Number: 1095 Registered: 4-2009 |
Whilst contemplating the third mechanical ball - we can diagress slightly to a totally different story involving a third ball of a different variety. The gentleman in question - a Mr Lock - had a terrible problem that embarrassed him every time he went into the changing room after a particularly hard game of rugby . Players would often request the oval ball from Mr Lock by shouting "The ball lock" when Mr lock carried all his balls into the lockers. Mr Lock often felt embarrassed for more than one reason. To be called Mr Bollock was in itself a tough pill to swallow but that was compounded by the fact that he indeed had more than his fair share of dangly objects. One day Mr Lock was inspired by his predicament and invented a tallow measuring device that could double up as an orangutan male to femal massometer. He sniggered to himself as he contemplated the millions of dollars he would make from building this most amazing of all tools. I think I will call it a vaginamometer he thought out loud.... He then laughed out loud like all baddies would do in films many years later..... He made the prototype and then found the third ball to be a nuisance - not only in his personal life - but also in his design. He then went on to refine his design by making a second tool that would one day end up in Australia in the hands of a young Chemical Engineer whose sons would later work for him as apprentices. Mr lock sniggered one more time as he imagined the myrth that would one day tickle so many people from may parts of the world as they desperatley tried to figure out what this object actually did. The rest gentlemen - as they say - is history....... | ||
| Omar M. Shams Grand Master Username: omar Post Number: 1096 Registered: 4-2009 |
Mr Kirillov now needs to give us his version. This thread has thus far provided ample laughter for all - so why stop now? | ||
| Patrick Ryan Grand Master Username: patrick_r Post Number: 1101 Registered: 4-2016 |
Omar, What a skill you have. Writing is your forte mate. We need to go right back to when Mr Lock was a youngster | ||
| Geoff Wootton Grand Master Username: dounraey Post Number: 1608 Registered: 5-2012 |
Re: What a skill you have. Writing is your forte mate. Particularly when you realize English is not Omar's first language. In addition, he uses the best version of English. | ||
| Robert Noel Reddington Grand Master Username: bob_uk Post Number: 1308 Registered: 5-2015 |
Correct spelling is vaginadynometer It measures the torque at the balls We quickly found the level of the humor! | ||
| Omar M. Shams Grand Master Username: omar Post Number: 1097 Registered: 4-2009 |
I stand corrected Bob, The saga of the vaginadynamometer carries on as this mysterious object of multiple use suddenly becomes an item of intrigue by far eastern people who have colluded to make cars that upset Russian Australians. The value of the only two surviving vaginadynamometers sky-rockets in the latter part of the 21st century because of far eastern intrigue - but also because the three bollocked tool has been acknowledged as being a divining tool amongst its other uses. The upgraded version of the vaginadynamometer rattles whenever it comes close to sources of gold and other precious minerals. Quickly explorers from NASA whisk the only 3 bollocked vaginadynamometer into the next shuttle destined for Mars, whilst the low grade 2 bollocked version is sent for a much needed upgrade. The only tools of this rare (and now endangered) construction belong to the western world and this upsets leaders of small far eastern countries that insist on having obscure hairstyles. It therefore becomes a national requirement to steal the only remaining vaginadynamometer from the Australians and bring the bugger back to the motherland. By now the 3 bollocked vaginadynamometer is en-route to Mars. A team is dispatched to Mount Coolon to steal the most precious of all tools. The team is made up of young and beautiful women who are deadly dangerous. To make their lives easier - they are given sprays and narcotics to support the process that they will need to steal the world's only vaginadynamometer. One of these girls likes the stuff that is meant to be used a means of bringing the vaginadynamometer home and starts taking it herself. She then goes off the rails and by accident flies to the wrong country. Impatient to get her hands on the vaginadynamometer but also wasted from consuming so much of this weed - she gets it all wrong in the bloody airport and then gets arrested after killing the wrong chap. The squad is now down to only 2 beautiful women who have not gone anywhere near the weed in case they also lose the plot. They find their way to Mount Coolon where the now owner of the worlds most precious tool lives. He is an astute man and has hidden the tool in a very obscure white car that is rare but not liked by everyone. The chicks ruck up and before long they have negotiated an arrangement with our hero to stay in his house. They do this by changing all the speed dials on his mobile phone to divert all his calls to them. Given that his speed dials were already intended for similar looking candidates he doesnt bat an eyelid when two really pretty girls respond. After copious quantities of vodka are consumed the reverse of the expected outcome actually happens. The two pretty girls are wasted due to huge quantities of vodka consumption but our hero is barely merry. He has his evil way with them and then hands them over to the authorities when he discovers their true identities. The vaginadynamometer manages to survive the highest of all industrial espionage events in the modern world. The clever owner of this tool recognises the burden on his shoulders that come with owning this amazing triple purpose tool. Not content with the ability to do three very different functions our hero sets off to modify the tool to make it even more versatile. The tool is dismantled in his workshop to make room for a carburettor-like addition between the balls. This modification is to ensure the fourth purpose is fulfilled which is to be continued | ||
| David Gore Moderator Username: david_gore Post Number: 2438 Registered: 4-2003 |
Good one Omar....................... Looking forward to the next instalment especially when the Mad Scotsman and Puss Nasty become involved. I have suspicions the secret behind the sporran is an important clue plus the curative powers of vodka following use of the vaginadynamometer by an untrained and inexperienced assistant relates to the fourth purpose but I may be mistaken. | ||
| Patrick Ryan Grand Master Username: patrick_r Post Number: 1104 Registered: 4-2016 |
OMG Love it Omar! | ||
| richard george yeaman Grand Master Username: richyrich Post Number: 702 Registered: 4-2012 |
Great stuff Omar, I wonder if Kelly could make us all a set of these balls with carburettor like addition send him the drawings and ask for a good price for a job lot. Richard. | ||
| Omar M. Shams Grand Master Username: omar Post Number: 1098 Registered: 4-2009 |
Richard - that was priceless!!! You have given me inspiration for episode 3!!! David - we will need to communicate off air to gather details for the next episode.... Meanwhile - the community would love this story to be continued by different people writing different chapters to capture humour from all over the world - Dubai humour is but one flavour..... we need other varieties too. Perhaps when we have all 20 chapters done - maybe our David can compile them in a stand-alone thread without the chatter in between. But that will be ages away..... | ||
| Patrick Ryan Grand Master Username: patrick_r Post Number: 1106 Registered: 4-2016 |
Gents, So we don't double up on the next exciting chapter of this great story, where Omar left iit, will someone put their hand up to write the next instalment? | ||
| Robert Noel Reddington Grand Master Username: bob_uk Post Number: 1310 Registered: 5-2015 |
AS with all science stuff there's the maths. Power = torture x throb speed over the angle of the dangle x heat of the meat. | ||
| Omar M. Shams Grand Master Username: omar Post Number: 1099 Registered: 4-2009 |
sounds to me like Bob has indeed volunteered...... | ||
| Mark Luft Experienced User Username: bentleyman1993 Post Number: 22 Registered: 10-2016 |
Omar, I am ROFLMAO!! What a talent for writing you have. | ||
| Omar M. Shams Grand Master Username: omar Post Number: 1101 Registered: 4-2009 |
My dear friends - Mark - Bob -Patrick - Richard - Geoff and David You have been very kind with your words. I often laugh at how I had to give up sitting my English O level after 6 attempts in the 70s and not really getting anywhere with it at all. The O level has eluded me - and to this day I do not have an English qualification. I use English a lot more than any other language in every day life although I speak a fair amount of Arabic every day. | ||
| Omar M. Shams Grand Master Username: omar Post Number: 1103 Registered: 4-2009 |
The vaginadynamometer manages to survive the highest of all industrial espionage events in the modern world. The clever owner of this tool recognises the burden on his shoulders that come with owning this amazing triple purpose tool. Not content with the ability to do three very different functions our hero sets off to modify the tool to make it even more versatile. The tool is dismantled in his workshop to make room for a carburettor-like addition between the balls. This modification is to ensure the fourth purpose is fulfilled which is to allow the tool to fly like a drone untethered. To take something from the 1800s and apply 2017 technology required the special services of an American who had the reputation of being able to make anything out of stainless steel. A stainless steel vaginadynamometer with brass balls was high on his list of tools to make. He sat patiently for the order to finally come in so he could start building this complex modification. The flying tallow-measuring device that could also be used as an orangutan male to female massometer was the dream of all men who dabbled in large engined cars. The custodian of the tool was by now fed up calling it a flying tallow-measuring device that could also be used as an orangutan male to female massometer - so he decided to give it a slightly more palatable name - a name that would be easier on the lips than flying tallow-measuring device that could also be used as an orangutan male to female massometer. Following the American modification, the tool became affectionately known as Pussnasty. The American toiled for days and made lots of cardboard cut outs of his design which he spread out all over his living room floor - much to the displeasure of his wife. The design went into fabrication and within 6 weeks the vagina thingy had been transformed into a pussy thingy. A great transformation in some ways but from other perspectives the similarities of the before and after were not all that striking. Herein lies the ingenuity of the finished product because it would allow people of any size belly to operate the divining tallow measuring massometer like a normal drone. Pussnasty was now ready to be dispatched to the Australian owner. The proud American had made his first Pussnasty and even he was amazed that there was demand for a stainless steel Pussy - thingy. The world watched with baited breath to see how the most valuable object on earth would cross boarders from America to Australia. The simplicity of the whole process was key to its success. Good old USPS did the trick and in the post was a padded box with the most beautiful Pussnasty ever. The balls that were ordinary brass spheres were now so shiny that you could see reflections of dogs in them. Our hero was chuffed to bits with his new toy. He immediately got it out of the box, filled the balls with low grade Russian uranium that he had hidden away inside his MK X Jaguar and started her up. The Pussnasty flew beautifully and rattled as it came close to his Rolex - but then the owner knew that this feature was part and parcel of the modified tool. The maiden flight was however doomed. The Pussnasty was being controlled by the same owner who had previously smashed two far eastern secret service agents when vodka and even more vodka was consumed in a session of bizarre events best kept silent. The intoxication led to a momentary lapse in reason and vision. The Pussnasty flew away to far lands with no control. Nobody really knew that this catastrophic event had indeed taken place because nobody expected that something this precious would be allowed to be toyed with in the Australian outback. Days later there was a report from Indonesia that a family of orangutans had captured a shiny brass balled drone and were using it in the most bizarre way imaginable. The tool was.............. to be continued............... | ||
| David Gore Moderator Username: david_gore Post Number: 2439 Registered: 4-2003 |
Omar, Great work and very well expressed by someone whose first language is not English. Will PM you some possible themes to be explored further in the next few days - have commitments today, tomorrow and Monday which substantially encroach on the time available for me to do this. Loved the way you included Pussnasty - hilarious and Robert Reddington is injecting classic British humour which I really enjoy. The secret behind the sporran has a way to run but has to be developed - I may be able to come up with some other themes as well when inspired. The maiden flight segment has huge potential for future exploration and penetration as well..... We need a Title for your work along the lines of the James Bond book titles so please everyone this is your homework for today. My first thought was "Pussy Galore" but this is probably too close to Ian Fleming's character of the same name. It would be appropriate if a name with a distinctive R-R/B character could be devised. Omar, you may have a new career as a writer of anime spy stories awaiting. Will create a new thread for this story when appropriate and transfer the relevant contributions plus combining the actual story into a novelette to bring it together.  | ||
| Robert Noel Reddington Grand Master Username: bob_uk Post Number: 1312 Registered: 5-2015 |
The inventor of the vaginadynameter also invented a life jacket called the Mae West. Mae West said the balls were too buoyant so one was reduced in size which had the advantage of being lop sided which means one can lie on their side, and get a good sleep in, whilst awaiting rescue. Omar your English is as good as mine and by reading the internet, your English is better than some first language English speakers. I believe that if everybody in the world spoke English it would bring an element of peace. The English language steals words from other languages. |
