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Vladimir Ivanovich Kirillov
Grand Master
Username: soviet

Post Number: 327
Registered: 2-2013
Posted on Saturday, 21 November, 2015 - 08:36:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IP

It could just be coincidence or it could be that our beloved government here is scratching around like five demented chickens on acid searching frantically for some extra source of revenue, some angle of public fleecing, some new taxation means not to just service their loony enormous salary, expenses and over generous retirement payments but to compensate for our decimated coal mining industry and bring the budget back into surplus so they can crow repetitively about how bloody fantastic they are.

Recently, and at a time I really did not need it I received a lovely little letter from a swine governmental department stating blatantly that I owed them a fraction under three grand and could I please spend some more money on Telstra to discuss the matter if I can't pay up in full in two weeks. I could not believe it and my first reaction was to go outside and start gnawing on an ironbark gum tree to bring down my seething white hot bizarre intentions to croak a governmental figure instantly and with malice aforethought.

I calmed down enough after a couple of cartons of beer and wrote the fools a letter stating I could not afford to waste more money on telephone calls to speak to an answering machine robot and could they please ask the idiot who wrote me the letter to return to high school and learn how to count as I did give lessons.

It took me two hours of scribbling to point out to them my mathematical theorem showing that I did not owe anything.

Then a month later when I am in middle of a weekend bender and just on the cusp of the moment when the rabbit bites its own head off with the stereo cranked with no cowboys game to drink with me in my cottage on the cattle station and a loon from the government department rings up and asks me to identify myself whereupon realizing I have a victim on the line I let fly with some pretty crazy identifications and it went well I thought with the music and the fact I had three wild crows flying around inside my cottage with the fans dealing to their flight plans savagely -black feathers were raining down on an already out of control situation.

Then two weeks later I get another letter from this department saying I now owe them "nil".

Indeed they ignored my demand for compensation for stress they had created by demanding I pay them loot which they had no entitlement to.

But the mother lode of governmental stupidity arrived the other day when I rang up to inquire where my much needed tax return cheque had got to only to be told that they needed another twelve full business days to complete it. Then in great horror this sweet lady from the Tax department informs me that I did not put two returns for two consecutive years one and a half decades ago and there could be penalties. I ask her to put that in writing but she said she could not do that. Then I asked if I did not put in those returns why has it taken the tax department 15 years plus to inform me of this. She said because of "self assessment".

Now I have to spend my time drafting up another letter pointing out that 1) I can't remember who I worked for 15 years ago nor can I remember where I was and it is no good asking me.

2) The tax department has a record of any employer I worked for so WHY ask me the question to an answer your already have.

3) If a tax department assessor would like to come out to visit me and see what the government can fleece from me I would be most honoured to have the opportunity of driving over the top of him at high speed with my Cadillac.

So I am wondering and I never really have been a big fan of conspiracy theories if our governments are being directed to send out letters demanding more loot just of the off chance that we will be frightened or bullied into a state of paranoia where we just pay up to get rid of the stress regardless of whether or not we owe anything.

As I get older the world appears to be getting weirder and I often wonder if setting up a new residence underneath but in the middle of the Simpson Desert might not be such a crazy idea.
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Jan Forrest
Grand Master
Username: got_one

Post Number: 878
Registered: 1-2008
Posted on Saturday, 21 November, 2015 - 21:39:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IP

Not on the same scale, Vlad old chum, but a private company claims I owe them (at last count) around 130. That's Pounds Sterling and not your silly little dollar thingies. Why? For parking in a handicapped parking spot, in a free car park, without correctly displaying a disability badge. Yup. Instead of having it on the dashboard of my tiny Rover Cabriolet it was on the front passenger seat where only Stevie Wonder could have missed it!

I've even received a county court summons in this regard, but since it meant a significant car journey to get to the court closest to the company's head office I challenged the validity of the venue and am still waiting for a response from either the court or the company. Of course I could have made all this go away months ago by sending them a photocopy of my disability badge, but I want them to work for their money - and still not get it.

The kicker is: Under British law they may have the right to claim costs for me parking where I did, but that means costs and not a fine - which only a government agency can claim. As much as anything I'm annoyed that I don't recall seeing any signs warning of unlawful fines being imposed for 'incorrect' parking and there was no sign of the blind employee before after the event. Like as not he would have been hiding in a small van somewhere on the plot ready to jump out and slap a ticket on any car before scuttling back under his rock again.