| Author | Message | ||
     David Gore Moderator Username: david_gore Post Number: 1694 Registered: 4-2003 |
During my time as the NSW Branch Technical Officer, I was involved with the NSW and ACT Self-Help Groups where Shadows predominated. I modified a DIY Guide I had picked up and it was published in the NSW Branch magazine "L & D". I hope you might enjoy the following: "Subject: Why NSW Branch has a Self-Help Group Oil Change instructions for Women: Any day of the week: 1) Pull up at service centre when mileage reaches 10,000 kilometres since the last oil change. 2) Have a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later pay and leave with a properly serviced vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change and Filter: $60.00 Coffee/Cake: $ 5.00 Total: $65.00 **************************************************************************************************** Oil Change instructions for Men: Saturday: 1) Drive to auto parts store and buy a container of oil, oil filter, kitty litter and hand cleaner. 2) Stop at liquor shop and buy a carton of beer before driving home. 3) Arrive home and open first beer for refreshment while planning work. 4) Spend 15 minutes looking for car stands. 5) Find car stands under kid's pedal car, retrieve them, jack car up and position safety stands. 6) Open fresh beer and ease tension. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for spanner to fit sump drain plug. 9) Give up and use adjustable wrench instead. 10) Unscrew drain plug mutilating plug corners in process. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil splashing hot oil on face and arms in process. Swear profusely. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter body and twist off. 16) Crawl out from under car with oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter amongst rubbish in garbage bin to avoid contamination complaints from Council. Enjoy success with a beer. 17) Mate shows up; finish carton of beer with him. Decide to go and see his new home theatre setup and finish the oil change later. Sunday: 18) Skip planned family outing because "I have to finish the oil change." 19) Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it to the recycling centre. 20) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 16. 21) Time for a beer. No, drank it all yesterday. 22) Walk to liquor shop; buy carton of beer. 23) Install new oil filter ensuring a thin coat of oil is applied to gasket surface. 24) Empty new container of oil into engine. 25) Remember drain plug from step 11. 26) Hurry to find drain pan to retrieve drain plug. 27) Find the drain pan in the yard where the used oil was buried. Realise with sinking feeling that you also buried the drain plug. 28) Ease disappointment with beer. 29) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Find plug and dig-over oily patch of ground to hide contamination. Wash drain plug in petrol intended for lawnmower. 30) Discover that the fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw more kitty litter on oil spill. 31) Drink another beer to reduce stress levels. 32) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Misalign adjustable wrench whilst doing up drain plug and bang knuckles on sump when it slips. 33) Bang head on car body in reaction to step 32. 34) Begin prolonged swearing fit. 35) Throw away stupid adjustable wrench to ease frustration. 36) Swear for additional 5 minutes because wrench hits favourite garage wall pin-up poster damaging the poster beyond repair. 37) Soothe shattered nerves with a cold beer. 38) Use hand cleaner on hands and forehead to remove dirt and oil before bandaging as required to stop bleeding. 39) Seek pain relief with a beer. 40) Stronger pain relief required so consume another beer. 41) Realise you no longer have any new oil due to spillage. Walk to auto parts store for another container of oil before returning to fill sump with oil and check for leaks. 42) Celebrate impending completion of job with a beer. 43) Lift car to remove car stands and lower to ground. 44) Car accidentally crushes oil container left under car and spills remaining oil on floor. 45) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to spilt oil. 46) Enjoy beer while kitty litter does its job soaking up oil. 47) Take car for test drive. 48) Get pulled over by Highway Patrol car. Police officer refuses to accept explanation that regular movement of car from one side of the road to the other was a factory recommended test for oil surge. Officer extends invitation to visit local Police Station to stay overnight so Judge can hear explanation next morning. 49) Judge is as fixated as Police Officer and refuses to believe diagnostic procedure explanation. 50) Call loving wife to arrange payment of fine and court costs before returning to pick up car. 51) Find car on side of road with wheels missing and battery stolen. Money spent: Parts $ 45.00 Fine and Court Costs: $2500.00 New wheels and tyres: $2800.00 New Battery: $ 125.00 Beer: $ 90.00 Total: $5560.00 But at least you know the job was done properly!" | ||
| richard george yeaman Grand Master Username: richyrich Post Number: 337 Registered: 4-2012 |
David sounds about right, What about the cost of the cat litter and all the extra swearing, Richard. | ||
| Lluís Gimeno-Fabra Grand Master Username: lluís Post Number: 388 Registered: 8-2007 |
Merde, Police episode aside, this is exactly how it once went... how did you know? Lluís | ||
| Brian Vogel Grand Master Username: guyslp Post Number: 1534 Registered: 6-2009 |
And this is for a maintenance task that's about as far from "rocket science" as they come!! Brian | ||
| David Gore Moderator Username: david_gore Post Number: 1695 Registered: 4-2003 |
Lluis, You are never on your own with situations such as this - truth is often stranger than fiction. I will admit to experiencing some but not all of the incidents described over the years. Items 47, 48 and 49 actually occurred in the 1960's to a farmer we knew driving his tractor along a country road after servicing the tractor on a hot day and enjoying more than a few beers on the homestead verandah afterwards. The "road" was little more than a lane way between adjoining properties and the cop had been out for a drive having no reason to be there in the first place. | ||
| Lluís Gimeno-Fabra Grand Master Username: lluís Post Number: 389 Registered: 8-2007 |
What's weird is that despite success in many other mechnical issues, far more complex, the oil change always ends up in a mess. I guess it's that because it is so simple, it's not taken seriously... by maself that is. | ||
| richard george yeaman Grand Master Username: richyrich Post Number: 338 Registered: 4-2012 |
I find the filter change to be deadly and also dropping the bung in the waste oil Yukk !! Richard. |
